September 11

Chelsea Manning

Many years ago, many in the transgender community were insistent that anyone seeing themselves as trans should be immediately supplied whatever they needed to do whatever level of transitioning they needed.  The heck with the expert opinions of doctors and psychiatrists, all forms of health insurance and health care needed to cover this and it was to be served-up on a silver platter to the person desiring some level of transition.  Maybe the person just needed a new nose in order to feel prettier.  Maybe the person wanted some really ripped biceps that looked sexy in a man's tank top.  Or maybe the person wanted the whole package with whatever additions, subtractions, or enhancements were wanted.  Access without question or hindrance was the goal.

There is a minority of us who feel getting whatever we want whenever we want might not always be a good thing.  The Bible teaches that there is wisdom in the counsel of others.  I don't care how far advanced modern medicine is at gender change, if you make a wrong decision at some point in the process, it is difficult to impossible to undo that mistake and put things back the way they were.

Then the early reports of prison inmates demanding sex changes were published in the news media, and many of those same people who had demanded free, no-holds barred access to sex changes began to modify their stance, saying criminals demanding such treatment gave the trans community a black eye.

To my surprise, I found myself on the other side of the argument.  If a prison inmate can demonstrate need and doctor's approval, I'm in favor of them receiving whatever treatment they need.  This probably stems from my goody-two-shoes (which are black patent, by the way) attitude that I truly want to help those in prison become better persons.  Yes, it's probably pie-in-the-sky, but I would rather try to do good for someone rather than nothing at all.

Chelsea Manning recently came out as trans and plans to transition while in prison.  Apart from the crimes this person committed (as determined by a military court of law), if you can find anything on the personal life of Chelsea, you will see that this is a person who was possibly preyed upon by others, was already terribly confused in her personal life, and could have really used good counsel from friends, family, and church which she apparently never got.  That's already a great tragedy in anyone's life.  She has to live this tragedy along with the tragedy that sent her to a military prison.

Long story short, when you say your prayers at night, I think this is a person worth mentioning in those prayers.  Pray that she gets the help she needs.  When looking for great things to happen in people's lives, the Good Lord is always first on the list to seek that help from.

Kelli

College, Sororities, Co-eds, and Cheerleaders. Oh my!

I was returning home from work this evening and passed by one of the local colleges.  Classes start Monday and all the students were returning to their dormitories and apartments.  The university seemed to be a sea of organized chaos.  There were groups of students and parents taking tours of the campus.  New students were gathered around bus stops trying to decipher the various routes.  Professors were opening their offices and checking their mail at the union.  Oh, and many of the young college ladies were sporting some of the cutest back to school fashions I had ever seen!  I was in autogynephillia heaven.

It's been a few years since I was a college student, but while traveling down one particular street that was lined with fraternity and sorority houses, I recalled some memories that I had never fully considered before.  I actively dated when I was in college.  In hindsight my autogynephilia was probably a bigger factor than I realized at the time.  I now wonder what role it played in the women I dated and even for the reasons I dated them.

Sex was never a big issue with any of the women I dated.  At least it wasn't for me.  Part of that was due to my Christian upbringing, but part of it I later found was due to my gender issues.  The one thing I dislike the most during intimacy is for my partner to remind me that I am the man.  It sounds like I'm making a joke, but when I close my eyes, I'm not fantasizing that my partner is Sofia Vergara -- I'm fantasizing that I am Sofia Vergara (or at least a woman).  No offense to Ms. Vergara whom I am told is a wonderful person, talented actress, and drop-dead gorgeous!

And speaking of fraternities and sororities, I also recalled that during college I was never interested in fraternities.  They actually seemed like a waste of time to me.  My girlfriend's sorority, on the other hand, was very interesting.  I was not interested in the sorority as in a man's interest in the women of the sorority.  I was interested in socializing with them as a person who wanted to be a part of their group.  I thought my girlfriend's sorority sisters were wonderful people while the guys in the fraternities I was eligible to join were neanderthals.

Back in the stone age days when I was in college, I used that opportunity to research my gender issues.  I would find any book I could at the library, find a quiet corner, and read and study, searching for magazine articles, microfilm, anything.  Back then I was given two options -- transvestite or transexual -- and neither option seemed a perfect fit.  Contacting others who had similar interests involved obtaining contact magazines that were generally sold in stores I would rather not frequent.  I found others, discovered it was best to embrace my "hobby", and waited for science to catch up with what I knew and theorized.  I thank the Good Lord for seeing me through all this and also thank Him for how much better current college students have it.

Kids today have the internet, social media, videophones, walkie-talkie wristwatches, and flying cars.  Okay, maybe they don't have access to all that as of yet, but they have access to lots more knowledge, lots more science, and lots more people for support.  It's common now for colleges to even have student crossdressing clubs and organizations.  In a way, it makes me proud of these young people.

If I ever go back to college, I've already picked the perfect gown to wear when I get my sorority pin.  Or maybe I'll just be happy with the way things are today.

Kelli

CPDF

I felt like trying to be hip and trendy this morning and thought I would suggest a brand new public ailment that needs proper documentation and treatment.  This ailment is spreading fast across the country, and the vast majority of people who suffer from it are in denial due to shame, ignorance, and hypocrisy.  I have labeled this ailment CPDF -- Cell Phone Driver Face.

Cell Phone Driver Face (CPDF) is the expression on a motor vehicle operator's face, who is also talking on a cell phone, and has just done something incredibly stupid and/or dangerous almost resulting in a vehicle accident. After numerous car horns and shouts from the offended party, the driver who is talking on his/her cell phone will proceed forward as if nothing happened while staring stupidly at the offended party as if he/she is unable to comprehend what has just happened.  Their eyes are non-blinking and vacant.  Their mouth hangs open.  Their head is turned so as to stare at the person they almost had a collision with while the cell phone is pulled slightly away from the ear but still within range to hear the person at the other end of the line.  In rare occasions when I have been able to speak with a person who suffers from CPDF and has almost been in a traffic accident, they have, at best, a poor recollection of what just happened and in some cases don't realize they were almost the cause of a major traffic accident.

One of my favorite places to get coffee is the local convenience store (I love you 7-Eleven!!!).  To get there, I have to cross the street.  On my return after purchasing coffee, I waited at the light until I got the "walk" sign.  Everyone is suppose to stop at a red light.  That includes all cars and trucks, pedestrians, cyclists, people wanting to turn right, people wanting to turn left, and people wanting to continue through.  Everybody stops at a red light so people with the green light (in this case, me) can proceed.  I started walking through the intersection with my coffee.  I was directly in front of a little sport car when the driver decided to proceed with a right turn through the red light.  I realized I was about to be hit by a car and braced myself by planting my left hand on the hood of the car while my right hand held my coffee.  I yelled and he momentarily stopped.  I thought he must have now seen me or heard me, but no, he then proceeded forward again.  With my left hand still on the hood of his car, I jumped and swung my body over the fender of his car, like a fence gate.  To my great surprise, he had not actually hit me with his car.  I then noticed that even after that, he hadn't stopped.  He continued forward.  I saw his window was rolled down and yelled "Hey!" as he drove by.  He stared stupidly at me, his eyes non-blinking and vacant.  His mouth hung open and I saw his cell phone slightly ajar from his right ear.  He continued his right turn and sped off.

Similar incidents have happened to me in the past.  I've blown the horn on my car at people who ran red lights.  I saw their silhouette through their car window -- head turned towards me, cell phone slightly ajar from their right ear, jaw appeared to be elongated from an open mouth.  I was unable to actually see their eyes, but I have a good assumption of what they looked like.  I consider my observations and theories on this subject quite solid and anticipate hearing from the American Psychiatric and Head Shrink Association very soon for inclusion in the DSM.

One important note I must include on this is that I have gotten the same response of CPDF while out en femme and no traffic altercations occurred.  However, I consider this a sub-group within the defined limits of CPDF as cell-phones were involved.

By the way, in my altercation with the guy who almost ran me down and I swung out over his fender to avoid being hit, I am very proud to also report that I didn't spill a single drop of coffee.  The Good Lord knows I love coffee!

Kelli

Wow! Is Christmas Over Already???

So when I last posted to this little blog last the warm glow of the Christmas season had engulfed the world and visions of sugar plums were dancing in my head.  Everything was in perfect harmony, the planets were properly alligned, God was in His heaven, and all was good.

Then I got up one morning in January, shuffled over to my state-of-the-art Windows XP computer, attempted to log-in to my e-mail, and discovered the internet was gone.  I was very disappointed as I really liked the internet, but realized that my dad was correct when he told me that the internet was just a fad.  Apparently the internet had just fizzled-out in popularity and gone the way of hula-hoops, frisbees, and stereos with automatic record-changers.

I found an old copy of TVGuide and saw that the Phil Donahue talk show was scheduled next hour.  I now had plans for my morning, but decided first to call the phone company and make certain they were no longer charging me for internet service as there was no more internet.

I spoke to a very nice phone company rep who sounded like he was from Indiana, but when asked said he was in Kansas.  (Or maybe it was India, I don't remember).  This man was a genius.  After a few simple questions, we discovered two problems.  First, I had fallen asleep again in my blonde wig, thus the reason for my mental confusion.  Secondly, the internet was still in service.  It was my phone line that was causing the problems.

Now it was almost exactly one year ago that my phone line had failed previously.  I received no help from anyone and replaced it myself.  This time, I decided to do things differently.  I decided to consider ALL internet options and began doing research.

The fastest way to do research is on the internet, and since my access was gone, I was forced to use the public library.  Now I LOVE the public library.  I'm a big library supporter.  I think libraries are essential and a nice luxury every community should have.  But, the libraries are public, as opposed to my private internet access at home.  The computers at my library are out in the open, laid out on desktops, and anyone can see what you are doing on the computer just by walking past.  I'm extremely old-fashioned and easily embarassed.  The last time I used a public computer and something objectionable popped-up on the screen I almost broke a leg trying to shut everything down.

That means I was uncomfortable blogging and Tweeting about crossdressing.  I know many people, probably most people, would disagree with me on this, but I was raised this way and decades of such Puritan attitudes are difficult to overcome.  I think people should wear whatever they want to wear.  If you want to dress like a man, like a woman, or the Queen of Sheba you should have that right.  And I know that in this day and age children are already exposed to crossdressers (I was probably in my teens back in the stoneage when I first came across stories of other crossdressers), but I have chosen to not put the topics of crossdressing or transgenderism before others publicly.  I'm happy with my personal level of privacy.  People find my little blog by looking for it.  I do not purposely put my blog in front of strangers because I don't know what these strangers want.

I also did this because of the incorrect attitudes of many people.  There's nothing pornographic about my blog, yet crossdressing and transgenderism is often labeled as such by people who are ignorant.  Who wants to be accused of corrupting the morality of American youth?  I want wonderful things for American youth whether or not they are transgendered.

So am I being a total wimp and letting people shout me down?  Maybe.  I prefer to think of it as avoiding conflict and freely speaking where I can.  On the keyboard side of the computer screen, I felt conflicted.  On the other side of the computer screen, I felt free and bold.  I decided to wait until I had private internet access again to blog.  Besides, I like blogging in my PJs (male or female).

So I tried a few internet service providers that offered options other than DSL.  Internet service via smoke signals was reasonably priced, but slower than dial-up.  And after two days of YouTube delivered by the U.S. Postal Service, I was forced to move from my apartment for lack of space.  My new apartment has good phone wiring, and I am back on the internet.

Kelli